What to Say to Someone Diagnosed with Cancer: Avoid Toxic Positivity

Update Understanding the Impact of Cancer Diagnoses Receiving a cancer diagnosis can be a life-altering moment, creating emotional turmoil not just for the person diagnosed but also for their friends and family. When Katie Thurston, from season 17 of The Bachelorette, shared her stage IV metastatic breast cancer diagnosis, many well-meaning friends offered comments intended to comfort her. However, they often fell short. Katie reflected that hearing about others who had experienced the same diagnosis but with tragic outcomes only compounded her distress. As she points out, the reality of cancer and the fear of mortality is already there for the patient; they do not need to hear reminders of it. What Not to Say: Understanding Toxic Positivity In attempting to console someone diagnosed with cancer, there’s a common mistake of injecting toxic positivity into conversations. People often feel compelled to provide uplifting platitudes, insisting that everything will be fine or encouraging their loved one to maintain a positive attitude. Clinical psychologist Felicity Harper, from the Karmanos Cancer Institute, emphasizes that many cancer patients feel frustrated by this tendency because it dismisses their actual feelings of fear and uncertainty. Instead of encouraging positivity, it’s more helpful to acknowledge the reality of their situation. Comfort phrases might include: “I’m here for you, no matter how you’re feeling.” Effective Communication: How to Be There for Someone When you learn of a loved one’s cancer diagnosis, it’s essential to offer support that feels genuine and unfettered by the need to resolve their emotional state. Harper suggests substituting obligatory apologies—like “I’m so sorry” which patients hear repeatedly—with more meaningful phrases such as: “I’m thinking of you, and I’m here if you need to talk.” This approach opens lines of communication without placing pressure on the patient to respond in kind, acknowledging their need for space during such a challenging period. The Importance of Staying Connected It’s important for friends and family members to remain consistently engaged after the initial diagnosis. Cancer treatment journeys can be lengthy and isolating, leading to feelings of abandonment if those who offer support only check in once. Harper advises reaching out again after some time if you don’t hear back. Presence matters, and a simple message like, “I’m still thinking of you,” can mean the world. Listening is Key: Providing a Safe Space One of the greatest gifts you can offer someone dealing with a cancer diagnosis is your ability to listen without judgment. Create a safe and open environment where they feel free to express their fears and concerns. Asking open-ended questions can help facilitate this process. Instead of asking, “How are you doing?” which can prompt a generic response, try “How are you feeling today?” This invites more meaningful dialogue around their current emotional state and needs. Moving Forward: Being Mindful of Comments For residents of Myrtle Beach and surrounding areas like North Myrtle Beach and Surfside Beach, understanding how to support those with cancer is a vital aspect of community health. Acknowledging that comments can have unintended consequences is crucial for creating a compassionate environment. Instead of sharing your own cancer anecdotes or generalizing experiences, focus on the individual’s feelings and let them guide the conversation about their journey. As a coastal community that often prides itself on strong social connections, taking careful steps in how we communicate can significantly influence the mental wellness of those battling illness. Consistency and authenticity in our conversations can offer not only comfort but reassurance that they are supported. Conclusion: Fostering a Supportive Community Understanding how best to communicate with someone recently diagnosed with cancer plays a pivotal role in their emotional healing. With mindful dialogues free from judgment or pressure, we can help foster a supportive setting for those we care about. Let’s work towards creating an environment of compassion and understanding, particularly for neighbors and loved ones residing in the beautiful locations of Pawleys Island, Georgetown, and Murrells Inlet. Whether it’s a quick message, a phone call, or even just sitting in silence with them, our continued presence can be the light in their darkest times.